We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He has the fingertips of a God
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