Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
