Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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