i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
