i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
