She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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