I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
