no, he came in my armpit
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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