Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
