i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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