i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
