Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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