Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
