I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Alive.
So much puke
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
