I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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