it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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