I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
