I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
