There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
