and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
