tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we still banned from the library?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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