before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
