We won't sleep together?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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