John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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