oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
