a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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