It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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