Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
