I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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