Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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