and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
