He felt like a one man threesome
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
