I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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