Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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