so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
