oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
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I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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