"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
