I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
