I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
