I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
