"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
