She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
