Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I CAN MOONWALK!
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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