She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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