i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
