you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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