i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i need some magic done to my vagina
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
