I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
