Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he thought i was a dude.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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