Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
