He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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