the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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