He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize