watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize