Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
