Are we in a gay sports bar?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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