The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
