new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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