ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
