Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
