my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
