we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
