I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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