Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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